


Needing, Getting

by Adverant



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Codependency, M/M, Past Iwaizumi Hajime/Kyoutani Kentarou, Soulmate AU, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 17:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21341731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adverant/pseuds/Adverant
Summary: Oikawa had finally lost his patience. "Are youtryingme?!" He'd shouted, his lungs hoarse, breath heavy. He strode from the net, his team mates watching on with interest and concern. He stopped a few feet from Kyoutani, his arms crossed and usual glower aimed at Tooru. "It's been years-" He snapped, "-if you think you're getting anywhere on this team withoutme, you have another thing coming.""What makes you think I needyou?" Kyoutani stood to his full height and stepped into Oikawa, normally he'd back down and walk away but something felt different.
Relationships: Kyoutani Kentarou/Oikawa Tooru, OiKyou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	Needing, Getting

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a gift for Evi on Discord~
> 
> I hope you enjoy your rare-pair oneshot!

"Do you realize how difficult you are?" Oikawa huffed, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. He watched the way Kyoutani's shoulders twitched, hardly a shrug of any real intention. Ridiculous. "You don't have to whine over him all day and night you know." Kyoutani's frown deepened, that pensive and angry look he'd probably die wearing. Oikawa tapped his foot in agitation, he could hardly contain his frustration. "Do you know how embarrassing you are?" Kyoutani bit into his lip, for a moment Oikawa almost minded himself, but he continued anyway. "Will you listen to me for goddamn once?!" He let his voice raise in volume, not bothering to contain it with his usual control. He didn't need self-control, he needed to control Kyoutani. He was just causing so much _trouble_.

"Maybe when you say something worth a damn," Kyoutani snapped, his piercing gaze stopped Oikawa from an immediate retort, he was taken off guard by it.

Their situation was strange and unheard of, it was something they kept to their selves and hoped would never be relevant. It was something that for the longest time Oikawa had lamented to himself about, refusing to admit to how fickle his fate or even just his feelings must have been. He may as well have been born cursed to have to deal with this shit.

For Kyoutani, it may have been complex, but he chose to ignore the unnecessary information of it. He did what he wanted, nothing more. It wasn't important for anyone else to know what he knew, it wasn't even important how Oikawa felt about it until now.

It was a feud they'd been fighting for years, behind Iwaizumi's back all this time. It had never been debatable the way Kyoutani had hated him from the start, he refused to do things Oikawa's way and only caused trouble amongst their team. Oikawa had always let it slide though, the only spiker he had ever needed was Iwaizumi after all. Or so he had thought. Time was meant to heal things and Oikawa understood the way that worked, he'd watched it in action.

Young and naive, he'd watched the way his family had torn itself apart, with nothing he could do and nowhere he could go. He aged with a growing desperation to find errors and fix them. He'd latched onto Iwaizumi from the beginning, holding tightly onto him as he watched hi mother struggle to keep their lives from changing, holding her head up and carrying on as an example to her children. Oikawa had been a little too old for that to work, he still saw how she'd broken down behind closed doors. Feigned ignorance as she explained away broken picture frames and things around their house that went missing, he held his own and he kept his sister from hearing about any of it whenever he could. His nephew had just been born and the last thing she needed was to worry about somebody else's family, though he'd always been a little bitter about the way his sister had disappeared when he needed her. He had learned when not to leave his room so his mom wouldn't have to feel embarrassed, she'd sleep in on the couch after a long night at her second job curled into herself, sobbing when she awoke and realized how broken and fake her life was once again. Oikawa understood it more than he wished he did. He wish he could be as ignorant as he feigned to be, wished he didn't know to miss his father, wished he could ask the hard questions like what happened, did he leave, was it a choice. He couldn't ever bring himself to ask things like that.

In the time that he'd slowly watched his mother tear apart her connections with their extended family, stopped answering when his aunts called to check in, told Tooru to stop picking up the phone unless it was his school or her work. Watched her lash out at their close family, when eventually his sister stopped letting their mother push her out and screen the information from her. Oikawa kept visiting his sister and his nephew, but after that his home life was like some secret, he was worried that if he ever brought her up his sister would go start something and make things worse. He was afraid that if they were never able to make up, it'd be his fault. In the midst of his fears, his guilt, and his resentment, Iwaizumi had always been right next door. When his mother invited people he'd never met into their house, he'd climb out his window and sprint across the yard, ducking under the fence where some of the boards had rotted off. It wasn't like they could accord to pay someone to fix it anymore. He'd knock lightly on Iwaizumi's window until he rolled out of bed and opened it.

Oikawa's mother had been wrapped up in her own struggles that she'd never had time for his, she'd never even had time to prepare him for the things that school didn't teach him. Like how sleeping closely huddled to Iwaizumi under the covers would come back to hurt him, burn whenever he thought of it. Or the possibility of facing the same things she'd forced her way through, it was like she lived her life permanently frozen in that grief. His mother had always taught him lessons from her own misfortune, like when she ran late and missed her train she'd tell him about planning ahead. A poor comparison, sure, but in this case it was a loss he might face unfortunately soon.

Oikawa had been so close to Nationals. He could almost see the way they'd win it, a carefully practicing set with precision. A spike hit with unwavering strength, the force of persistence. They'd reach for the challenge, and they'd do it together. But Kyoutani had latched on so tightly.

He'd originally blamed himself. He did what he could to make things work. It was never for Kyoutani, but Kyoutani looked up to Iwaizumi so he'd do whatever it took to make Iwaizumi happy. Oikawa showed Kyoutani what it was like to succeed. He showed Kyoutani just a little bit of what it was like to be in Iwaizumi's shoes. Kyoutani had taken it for granted and it started to get under his skin, the way MadDog-chan got between him and Iwaizumi. He took his free time, he made Oikawa's life difficult. He'd torn Iwaizumi from his life for a short time, and at the same time, Iwaizumi walked away from them both. Sick of the way Oikawa would make passive aggressive jabs, exhausted of the way that MadDog-chan acted when he was around. For a short time, they'd disappeared from his life.

He remembered sitting on his bedroom floor sobbing, his mother long since passed out on their living room couch, a glass on the coffee table and her favorite K-Drama still playing, with the intermittent commercial. Boxes had stacked up around him, his bed replaced with a temporary guest futon and his sheets and comforters were folded up on the end, only his pillow clutched between his arms as he sobbed, ugly tears poured down his face and his nose was running. He felt sticky and gross, clammy with sweat and cold with anxiety, his head pounded from the stress and his fingers trembled in their grasp. Tooru couldn't breathe or move for so long, as minutes passed then an hour, the clock crept up on him, time ticked by until it was time for him to leave. Oikawa shoved what was left of his belongings in the remaining empty box with his Best Setter award and blankets. He lifted them to his sister's car, plastered a fake smile on his face as he greeted her and Takeru-chan, held his breath and walked on glass, trying not to let them see through it. She dropped him at his train and he gave her as brief of a hug as she'd allow before shuffling off to put his boxes in luggage and get onboard.

In Tokyo Oikawa had been alone for a year. He jogged in the mornings, ignoring that there was always someone missing. He tossed to hitters he'd only just met, he cheered them and he led them to higher heights. He pushed himself. He rode the high of the sport, Oikawa never gave himself time to rest. Oikawa never gave himself time to remember.

When Iwaizumi had walked away from him, he felt as if he were robbed of a part of himself. Watched Kyoutani at his side and somehow he couldn't even muster the energy to be angry, to feel resentment. He felt remorse, he felt exhausted. If he could have just played nice, Iwaizumi might have followed him to Tokyo. No matter what his dreams told him, full of dark skin that was far too warm to stand, emerald green eyes that he could never hide anything from, a deep rumbling voice he always thought he heard when he stirred from sleep, dark hair he'd spent hours curling his fingers through and marveling at while a peaceful face shifted in his rest. He never drew the lines himself, still caught up in the pain and the loss like his mother was, never understood why letting Iwaizumi leave him for someone else as if he didn't exist only hurt _him_. Oikawa couldn't figure out why he could never pinpoint the anger before. It had just escaped him in an empty breath when Kyoutani had stood stiff and stoic before him, blocked him from following Iwaizumi. He didn't understand the look of sympathy, couldn't fathom the understanding Kyoutani showed him, despite his initial hate.

Sometimes, he'd remember the times when Kyoutani, Iwaizumi, and himself had simply been friends. For a time he was just like Hanamaki and Matsukawa. Somewhere along the line he'd grown desperate. Kyoutani's threat to his friendship with Iwaizumi became more and more real to him, his confession to Iwaizumi had felt surreal. Like it couldn't really be happening. Even harder to believe was the reality shattering admittance Iwaizumi gave him. He'd wanted to fix things in some ways, and in others he only wanted to forcefully ruin whatever was left. At the end of the day, when a year had passed, when he walked back into the gymnasium of his school in Tokyo, the only person he could be angry at was Iwaizumi. Watching the partner he'd been left behind for stretching on the court he'd spent a year earning the right to stand on as an equal to his senpai. Countless years of sweat, struggle, strife, and a desire to meet his own goals went into who he'd become and where he was able to stand, his blue jersey proudly presented his number one as the captain, and somehow after that time he wanted to turn away. The court he'd known as home and as his escape had suddenly become a place he wanted to escape from, a blonde head ducked as his kouhai reached for his toes, back arched and first year jersey hanging off his shoulder. Golden skin glistened lightly from sweat, earphone cord hung just above the floor, swinging lightly.

Oikawa felt cold. Then he felt hot, he felt his stomach turn, his back tingle, and his eyes burn with the threat of tears. He pressed his lips together in a tight line.

It wasn't fair really, as angry as Oikawa was, he couldn't seem to direct it to the one person who had caused it all. Even now still, the only person he could bring himself to be pissed off at was Iwaizumi. He'd become a name without a face, a memory with no voice, and somehow Oikawa couldn't direct his pain anywhere else. He'd waited too long to move, too long to speak, before he knew it those perpetually dense golden eyes were focused on him. He felt the same shock of exhilaration he felt back in high school. Inexplicable. Incredible.

Since then, they'd given each other a second chance. Oikawa couldn't stomach the way Kyoutani made him feel, he couldn't stand it alone. He'd pushed through their initial week together playing nice, playing it up, pretending they hadn't met. Pretending he couldn't remember. Every time he was picked out by that unforgiving, suspicious gaze he knew that Kyoutani didn't buy it, and over time he stopped trying. They bickered, they avoided, Kyoutani called him out for backing out or taking shortcuts, and Oikawa pushed him harder every day. He remembered the day that Kyoutani had truly changed his life. He'd ruined Tooru's perception, like rose-tinted lenses.

Oikawa had finally lost his patience. "Are you _trying_ me?!" He'd shouted, his lungs hoarse, breath heavy. He strode from the net, his team mates watching on with interest and concern. He stopped a few feet from Kyoutani, his arms crossed and usual glower aimed at Tooru. "It's been years-" He snapped, "-if you think you're getting anywhere on this team without _me_, you have another thing coming."

"What makes you think I need _you_?" Kyoutani stood to his full height and stepped into Oikawa, normally he'd back down and walk away but something felt different. Somehow, he felt drawn to Oikawa. He couldn't help the way that being near Tooru made him feel close to home.

Even if he knew it only reminded him of Iwaizumi. Reminded him of long nights, late mornings, coffee and movies, soft words and cuddles, rainy days and beach trips. He had told himself for years that he hated Oikawa Tooru, hated the way he felt when the guy was near. He truly was a shitty guy. Kyoutani had chalked it up easily. When he played next to Tooru, he felt like he was close to Iwaizumi.

In the end it really had only hurt him, but for some reason he couldn't help himself. He'd never been able to put a finger on it, the way he felt. Kyoutani had an excuse before in Iwaizumi, hiding behind his admiration and need for Hajime. He'd absorbed himself in that obsession, he thought he would have done anything for Iwaizumi. Standing between the two of them that day had been the hardest thing Kyoutani had ever done. Or he'd certainly thought so.

It still haunted him, after he'd long since walked away, days passed. Iwaizumi would hold his hand and tap his fingers against Kyoutani's knuckles and hum as they walked, he always followed dutifully but somehow the passing mornings felt colder, the nights duller. Wrapped tightly in Iwaizumi's embrace while he snored lightly against Kyoutani's neck, his mind still wandered to that day, his body still echoed how he felt when he'd walked away from Oikawa. The stricken expression was like a curse lingering in his subconscious. He never thought he'd find himself missing the witty comments, the dirty tricks, the selfishness of it all, how he'd never considered how Iwaizumi would feel about it. Somehow he'd felt bad for the asshole, as if it had been his decision, like he'd been dragging Iwaizumi away but as the weeks had passed and tension grew between them in Kyoutani's pining and Oikawa's jealousy, Iwaizumi made his own conclusions. He'd pushed Oikawa out on his own, and Kyoutani had never had a hand in it. He'd only watched from the sidelines, a bystander to their fading friendship. Watching what was more than just a childhood bond crumble between them, unable to do anything to help while Iwaizumi plucked at the threads of his own relationships and emotions. He'd never asked him to do any of that for his sake, all he'd done was try to appreciate Iwaizumi and give him the love he deserved.

After all that, he wasn't sure what Iwaizumi deserved. Kyoutani had come alone to Tokyo, he hadn't left Iwaizumi and at the same time Iwaizumi hadn't followed him either. Standing in the same room as Hajime before he left, the air felt somehow colder and less comforting. They'd avoided each other's eyes, avoided each other's touch, and they'd even kept their conversation brief. For weeks it had been like that. For a few months they'd burned hot, intense. It was like they couldn't breathe without the other there. And then suddenly, that warmth became stifling. He'd felt as if he were suffocating Iwaizumi and it had become hard to watch. He'd isolated himself all on his own.

Iwaizumi put all his weight on Kyoutani and just expected him to carry it, obediently as he always had. Demanded all his attention, demanded his time, and even demanded his future. It wasn't, it had never been that Kyoutani wasn't willing to. He'd practically begged to be all that Iwaizumi would ever need. He hadn't really regretted it either. Something had just drawn him to Tokyo, something he couldn't explain, something he couldn't name, something he could only feel. No matter how hard he tried, Iwaizumi refused to hear him, he felt a loss he hadn't even been there to experience when Tooru left. Pretended as if he'd watched his childhood best friend pack all of their memories into boxes too small to really hold them, too light to hold the weight of their importance to him. He imagined that he'd watched him leave, drive away. Or did he catch a train? Or did his mother take him? Did he even own a car of his own?

That was the thing. Iwaizumi didn't know. He couldn't know.

When they were children, they'd dreamt together of Tokyo, of competing on a National, and then International, level by each other's side. As third year crept up on them, and slowly slipped away, Iwaizumi's dreams of professional volleyball dissipated with it. His unwavering love for the sport left with Tooru, his only remedy for it had been Kyoutani. Iwaizumi had no ambition for Tokyo, and Kyoutani couldn't explain his, at least not in a way Iwaizumi would ever come to understand. Iwaizumi had been unforgiving, watching someone else he loved move on without him to a better place, to aim for higher than he dared to. Kyoutani made the decision with him. He hadn't given up his independence for Iwaizumi, he'd only relinquished part of it, the other part told him it was where he was meant to be. Iwaizumi made it clear he wouldn't follow Kyoutani for some unnamed 'feeling'.

When he walked into the school gymnasium in Tokyo an hour before they had asked him, he knew he'd find Tooru there. Kyoutani figured that he'd be angry. He knew he'd resort to some petty way of dealing with Kyoutani's existence in a place Tooru had long since come to remove the association of him from. Kyoutani anticipated the avoidance, the fake friendliness. All the while Kyoutani rode on that feeling, depended on it. There was something he'd come here for, he was going to figure out what it was. When he'd ticked Oikawa off that day, he'd anticipated something. Kyoutani could feel the drag of that nameless feeling he couldn't find any way to express. It drew him to Oikawa. "If you didn't need me, why'd you even come here? You could have gone anywhere. Somewhere else in Tokyo, even." Oikawa's clenched into fists at his side, "So why'd you follow me?" Kyoutani couldn't find an answer for that. If he said what he had to Iwaizumi, he wasn't sure how Oikawa would react. Impatient and unanswered, Oikawa scoffed and turned to walk away. Kyoutani lunged forward and caught Tooru's arm. He felt Tooru's fingers curl around his wrist, as if some puzzle piece had clicked into place, their eyes met. Oikawa's palm was warm on his skin, it flooded him with relief. It was like the comfort he only found curled up on his couch with his favorite blanket and his favorite movie playing, slowly falling asleep as it played around him. He could tell from Tooru's expression that he felt the same.

His heart leapt and he felt dizzy. He was too warm, but he felt like he couldn't pull away, as if it would be too painful for him to. It was a realization, a relief, but it startled him. After a moment too long, Oikawa peeled his fingers from Kyoutani's wrist, hand trembling. There was a moment of loss as the warmth that had just flooded through his veins and enveloped him from head to toe faded, replaced with a buzz of anxiety and adrenaline. For the first time, he was at a real loss. He didn't know how to compose himself, before he knew it, tears were dripping slowly over his cheeks. Oikawa looked down to his arm, light fingerprints remaining where Kyoutani's palm had held tightly. It was overwhelming. Oikawa's legs were shaking and he slowly settled onto his knees, the context of where he was and what was happening lost to him. It all made sense. All the ways he thought he should feel but couldn't, the pain he couldn't will away. How he could never turn away no matter how much he thought he should want to. It had all clicked, and it was incredibly relieving. It was too much.

For Kyoutani it felt similar. This feeling had been some kind of longing, something he couldn't will away, something he couldn't push from his mind. The need to be so far away from where he thought he'd belonged. Following Tooru here. Leaving Iwaizumi behind. It suddenly seemed to just click. Kyoutani could make sense of the mess that had brought him here in the first place, that stopped him from going back home, no matter how much he'd loved Iwaizumi. He knew what the feeling was. He knew why he had to come here.

He could name it now. It was Oikawa Tooru.

It was a breaking point for them both, newly branded by each other's fingertips, a sudden hyper-awareness of what the past year had really meant. This was something they knew, something they'd been taught, not something they'd really just come to knowledge of in that moment. It was something Oikawa wished his mother had been there for him to explain. He'd thought all that time that he'd had that connection with Hajime, that he'd lost it for good. Thought he'd understood at all what it was like for her, losing a soulmate. He had no clue. Oikawa hoped he'd never understand it. He came to hope, suddenly, that Kyoutani would outlast and outlive him. It was a grief he suddenly found himself fearing for.

Coming to peace with their realization didn't mean they'd come to forgive every past indiscretion. Oikawa was as petty as ever, and as cruel, but he found himself not wanting to let go. Kyoutani still tended to grate his nerves, temperamental and self-interested, but he let himself feel the admiration that came with their best moments. Knowing that Kyoutani was as willing to work hard as Oikawa himself. It wasn't like Iwaizumi, lording over him and fretting every pulled muscle or late night. It was a comforting coexistence.

Sometimes they'd practice and they didn't need to exchange words. They'd walk into the change rooms at the same time, even though they hadn't been together before, like they were following some internal clock that insisted that they had to be there at exactly that moment. They step onto the floor and run the same stretches and drills every morning, counting in their heads as usual, exchanging the occasional glance. Oikawa would set for Kyoutani, and he would spike it with as much effort in practice as he did in play. Sometimes, Oikawa would press him, toss the ball a little higher, a little faster, with a little more spin, and Kyoutani would meet the challenge without Oikawa having to say a word. In those moments, the satisfaction they felt only needed to be expressed with a glance. Oikawa didn't have to tell him how proud he was, as Kyoutani fought his way to the title of Ace. They seemed to say things without really saying them, like their words held a secret context only they understood. It was a codependency Oikawa had found missing in his life since Iwaizumi walked away from him, and it was one he didn't think he'd ever find himself at a loss for again, so long as Kyoutani was there.

There was some things they had to forgive. Some things that never change. Iwaizumi was a point of contention with them both, it was hard to look back and not feel pain from it. They had tried to work through it together, but it was a guilt and a loss they'd need time to recover from. They were happy together, but they weren't always happy, and more often than not Kyoutani reminisced about how things could have been different, it lead them to more difficulties than either could say it was worth.

Kyoutani couldn't help but to miss him. He'd loved Iwaizumi, and some days Oikawa could be cruel. He'd always expressed his feelings when Oikawa would demand, but some days he just didn't want to hear it. He'd become irritated. He'd say stupid and insensitive things, he'd press Kyoutani's buttons and he'd pull him every which way, and more than Kyoutani would like to admit to he falls into the trap. He'd lose his temper, he'd break things, he'd scare Tooru, some days Oikawa couldn't handle the things he himself had started and he'd leave. Oikawa would promise he wouldn't come back.

He always did.

With Iwaizumi, their fights had felt like their relationship could turn on a dime the longer it continued. With Oikawa, it was like he always knew where they'd be the next day, sitting across the table from each other, unsure how to apologize, only knowing they wanted to. They'd brush fingertips and feel the usual relief, the usual adoration, caught up in their remorse they'd hold hands from across the table and they'd let it slide.

Oikawa wasn't sure how many times it would slide, an uneasiness was beginning to form, every time they fought and he didn't know how to turn things around. He'd never been able to control Kyoutani like he had others, knowing what to say and how to say it. He didn't know how to comfort him from a pain he'd locked away for so long.

He refused to talk about it, he'd stand and stare in the mirror at the weariness on his own face from years of just pushing through the days. Kyoutani would see the light on and door open and he'd come in, curling sturdy arms around Oikawa and link them over his abdomen, cheek rested between Oikawa's shoulder blades. In those moments, Oikawa's dragged from his mind, from the memories and the frustrations. For all their issues, they'd always have each other, no matter how many times he'd proclaim he couldn't do it. No matter the times Kyoutani would lose his patience. He was willing to wait it out. He didn't need anybody else.

Oikawa looked down to Kyoutani, taken aback, but he let his expression grow soft. He took a deep breath, and with his breath he let go too of his frustration, running fingers through short, rough, blonde hair and pulling Kyoutani to his chest. He rested his chin on Kyoutani's head, feeling his stiff posture relax under his embrace. "I'm sorry," He whispered into Kyoutani's hair, feeling a pang of the old pain that seems to follow him around on days like this, "I am, I just... some days I can't stand it. I miss him." He's not even sure who he means when he says it, whether it's his own father, or Iwaizumi. Both losses he usually doesn't let himself linger on, but for now, for Kyoutani, he wallows in it for this time. Comforted in the natural warmth that comes at the contact of their skin, the way that all soulmates feel it. It's what Kyoutani needed to hear from him. It's what he really felt, even if he took it out on the undeserving man he loved.

"I'm sorry too." Kyoutani mumbles into his chest after a long and stubborn silence, "I'm trying." He closes his eyes and curls his fingers into Oikawa's shirt, hearing him hum lightly as his lips brush the top of Kyoutani's head.


End file.
